I recognize that posting has been light. cough. all year. I am not
sure what to really do about that-- there was a lot going on with me
professionally this year which is very hard to write about in a public
space.
The
short of it- I took a job that was based in another city. I spent much of the
spring traveling in and out of Ketchikan and for the most part it was working
for us as a family We then started to talk about relocation to the new
city as a more permanent decision and that's when the heavy conversation
started.
Now if
you want a peek behind the marriage of Matt and Dana- let me set the stage.
It often involves a bottle of wine, late nights, foot massages and heavy
conversations on values. We talked and talked and then talked some more
for almost a month straight while my job somewhat patiently let us work through
this step as a family. This talking isn't new to us, it's something that
we had established early in our relationship and has only grown as our lives
have become more complicated. We don't have a perfect marriage by any
standard but we do have an extremely candid and earnest one. To a fault we are
open about what is going on. . . and in the times of big decisions it can be
almost debilitating. There were late, late nights on this one.
When I
describe our decision to move to Ketchikan I often use the term "values
driven life." I think people roll their eyes a bit at that-- but
that's really as simple as it was. We were commuting a bunch, on the run
and had dinner as a family maybe once or twice a week. We met some great
folks- especially through our adoption with Simon who lived life just the way
they wanted to, and it was inspiring. Moving to Ketchikan was about
creating the space for us to really bond as a family. Our decision to
come to Ketchikan looked and acted very similarly to these conversations. There was wine, there was conversations
around the practicalities of our choices and the impact to our kids and
relationship. A bit of déjà vu for us.
The
reality was that although another adventure sounded exciting, especially to me-
the reality of living in a new city with both of us working and me traveling a
lot was too much. It also took us away from the values we have found in
Ketchikan. In the end, I decided to resign my job and continue our life in
Ketchikan. We had intended to be here for 18 months but that time has now
come and gone and we are still here. It feels good, the values are still
in check, the marriage still strong and the kids still thriving. Staying feels good, so that's where we are.
So now
what. . . as those of you who follow the blog over the last couple years will
know that we adopt a new years resolution as a family. This has varied
over the years but this year was moxie. Now moxie indicates some
resemblance to swagger and general ass kicking. To date, this has NOT
been the year of moxie- but a year of indecision and angst. Not moxie at
all. Now we are in late October and I am not sure what happened other
than that we almost made a big move,
decided not to, and didn't have another plan in place.
I give
myself a pass for the spring of indecision,
the summer of fun while I connected with
some old friends and family with a plan to fully carpe
the diem out of this fall.
Soon
fall was amidst us and I am still lacking traction. I could point to one hundred excuses of why
my life is hard or didn't go the way I
though- but that's not really the point.
The year was called MOXIE not MAKING SCHOOL LUNCHES.
It turns
out that getting four kids into the swing of school is not easy-- it's half a
loaf of bread in sandwiches, 2 hours a day in the car and several rounds of
IEP's. Again,excuses. It turns out
getting pneumonia at 35, will derail you for almost a month and turn you into a
albuterol shaky, codeine seeking druggie. Again, excuses. It turns out having your confidence shaken
with a tough career pivot will make it hard to stick your neck out. Again, excuses.
Well, that ends about now.
I'm coming off the bench. I may
have not nailed the theme this year, but damn if I can't finish strong. Nothing about moxie breeds temperance. Let's get this done.
I came across this
cover recently from a singer I like and have been listening to it a lot during
my work outs. It's the attitude I am
going to adopt for the balance of the year.
The relentless pursuit of happiness and shameful enthusiasm.
I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold. Hey, I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good
There is
a lot going on in our little world- even by our standards. Some of you who care for us may caution us on
moderation- but I (lovingly) won't have it for the next couple months. I have been living this new philosophy for a couple weeks now, and man. . . it feels awesome.
People told me slow my roll, I'm screaming out: Fuck that. I'm a do just what I want, looking ahead no turning back
