Wednesday, December 4, 2013

How Stella Got Her Groove Back

Truth be said, it's been a funky couple weeks.

Here are the truths going on here: 1. I thought I was going to get laid off; 2. I was planning on quitting shortly and had many plans to support this action. 3. I didn't like my job.

Where do I have the right to be surprised and hency funky about the situation?  Well, I really don't. Other than,  it was a mild surprise and I didn't have a plan to support it this very minute.

Second truth be said,  I don't transition well.

During my last big life transition I developed a program called Camp Obiwadana.*  This "camp" was my program for coping with a dramatic life change. 

What is camp about?  Trying things with little risk of failure.   Archery? No problem if you sucked, it's just camp after all.  Capture the flag? Sure, I'm not fast but I'll give it a go. 

So in light of a period of lonely and lost I made it my life's policy to say yes to things.  It's not hard to say yes-- but I was out of practice and need of some good old joy. Say yes.  So simple.

Many, many good things came out of that period for me.  I had new friendships that I may not have pursued including trivia nights, pub crawls, day trips and other lunacies.  I went to new countries because people asked me to come and I didn't say no-- in fact, I visited 6 continents that year!   Most importantly, I met my life partner.  Under normal situations, I may not have dated Matt at that time of my life but because I had the 'say yes' mantra going for me,  it developed into a wonderful friendship and love that I managed to not scrutinize and question to it's demise.  And although it seems trite to mention this after discussing the love of my life, I did one final thing that I was super proud of- I rode the damn pirate ship at Valley Fair.**

Living a fearful life is part of my MO.  I am a worrier, planner, analyzer and frankly a real pain in the ass. I have spent years wishing I was more fast and loose but it's just not the case.

Camp Obiwadana seems like a long time ago and now that I am faced with another big transition and one that wasn't carefully orchestrated by me*** I am feeling lost with no counselor, t-shirt or camp dance to pick me up.  I have been off for two weeks and I am not entirely sure what I have done with my time.****  Although I recently came off of maternity time, this time feels different now.  I saw my maternity time as sacred Simon time-- meant for he and I to get to know each other.  Time that had no measurements, goals or deliverable.  The time now, although no less sacred, feels a little aimless.

I am writing about this here because in addition to my worrying, analyzing neurosis, I am also highly accountable.  If I put this into the universe, I am trusting that the grit will be there to create the structure and support to not just 'get through' the next few months but to really thrive.  It's an exciting time and I want to be all eye of the tiger about it.*****

I am working on structure now and am thinking about how to be proactive, powerful and solid in this new little life. So dear internets, keep me in your prayers please so that I can shake this funk and get a little groove back into my day.   We have awesome things in store for the Fitzpatrick family and I want to be ready to jump in with gusto.

*Yes, there was a logo. 
**That thing scared me as a kid and I never had the guts to ride it.
*** Even though it's only a few weeks from one that is carefully orchestrated from me, forgive me for my moment to rant.
****Although I did take the kids to Nickelodean Universe-- going on rides worked the first time didn't it?
*****Eye of the Tiger was my favorite song for years and now Miss Katy has re-made it.  Swoon.

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