Friday, June 29, 2012

The Ten Year

My college reunion was last weekend and two thoughts kept crossing my mind: gratitude and pride.  

I am thankful for the amazing women I call friends.  I had admired so many of them during college and am proud and honored to now call them friends.  They taught me as much as any professor and I was amazed and humbled by the conversations last weekend that brought me right back to that sacred space of learning.  

I am thankful for the college itself and it's mission.  When I entered college I was on state assistance and had absolutely no capacity to pay for my education.  Had it not been for several administrators, faculty and friends, I wouldn't have made it through.  I am (proudly) a product of an excellent mission.

The second thought was that of accomplishment.

On a personal level, I feel really proud of myself. The last ten years were a little unexpected at times and not always fun. . . .  At the five year reunion, I was coming off a very recent divorce and was raw and fragile.  So much of my thoughts at that time were about survival and getting through the hand I had to play.   Now, my musings are much more fun-- I have moved from thinking about survival to thinking about living.  What have I done in 10 years and what do I want to do with the next 10?

To be honest, I still feel like I am on the cusp of something professionally or intellectually-- waiting for that ah ha moment-- thinking big thoughts about priorities, mission, balance and so many more. . .

But for as much dis-rest I might have on that front,  I am actually VERY proud  of the intention I have brought to my personal life.   For once, I feel like I am right where I need to be.   My kids, my husband, my dog and even red fish, all right where they need to be.**  

My family is my greatest accomplishment in the last ten years.   As a perennial searcher,  I seemed to have found myself a home that makes me so pleased and content.

I found this at the monastery book store last weekend, it's two bird with a nest. It seemed to be the perfect memento for my reflections on family.  10 years in and the nest is my greatest accomplishment.  
James recently started talking about his feelings.  While changing his diaper on Sunday he announced:

"Mommy, I am happy"

Me too, James.

**I recognize that kids, a hubby and a dog might not be everyone's bag but for me right now, this fitz.

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