Friday, June 29, 2012

The Ten Year

My college reunion was last weekend and two thoughts kept crossing my mind: gratitude and pride.  

I am thankful for the amazing women I call friends.  I had admired so many of them during college and am proud and honored to now call them friends.  They taught me as much as any professor and I was amazed and humbled by the conversations last weekend that brought me right back to that sacred space of learning.  

I am thankful for the college itself and it's mission.  When I entered college I was on state assistance and had absolutely no capacity to pay for my education.  Had it not been for several administrators, faculty and friends, I wouldn't have made it through.  I am (proudly) a product of an excellent mission.

The second thought was that of accomplishment.

On a personal level, I feel really proud of myself. The last ten years were a little unexpected at times and not always fun. . . .  At the five year reunion, I was coming off a very recent divorce and was raw and fragile.  So much of my thoughts at that time were about survival and getting through the hand I had to play.   Now, my musings are much more fun-- I have moved from thinking about survival to thinking about living.  What have I done in 10 years and what do I want to do with the next 10?

To be honest, I still feel like I am on the cusp of something professionally or intellectually-- waiting for that ah ha moment-- thinking big thoughts about priorities, mission, balance and so many more. . .

But for as much dis-rest I might have on that front,  I am actually VERY proud  of the intention I have brought to my personal life.   For once, I feel like I am right where I need to be.   My kids, my husband, my dog and even red fish, all right where they need to be.**  

My family is my greatest accomplishment in the last ten years.   As a perennial searcher,  I seemed to have found myself a home that makes me so pleased and content.

I found this at the monastery book store last weekend, it's two bird with a nest. It seemed to be the perfect memento for my reflections on family.  10 years in and the nest is my greatest accomplishment.  
James recently started talking about his feelings.  While changing his diaper on Sunday he announced:

"Mommy, I am happy"

Me too, James.

**I recognize that kids, a hubby and a dog might not be everyone's bag but for me right now, this fitz.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Gots Me a Water Belt and Some Kicks

The year of health has been a little underwhelming.  Turns out it has also been the year of kids, social events, house projects, family and work.  (You can see how health has taken a backseat some times).

I did make an important step this last weekend-- I joined our community run club.  So fun-- I have never run with an organized group before but it has always looked like so much fun.  I loved it.  I LOVED it. 

It was pouring rain and I went 8 miles-- needless to say that if it weren't for the discipline of the group, I probably wouldn't have been out there.  My longest run since the half marathon 2 years ago was 6 miles, so I felt really good about getting through 8-- frankly I was damn proud of myself.  What an awesome feeling to do something you didn't think you could do-- right? right? 

They were so nice about having me join-- I was obviously at a different level then the rest of the group but they took turns running with me and made me feel totally welcome despite my north of 11 pace.    

The group meets three times a week which is a little more than I can manage but I am going to shoot for one weekday run and the Saturday morning run.   TCM Here I come!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

New Ear Developments

James had his 2.5 year hearing test.  As I have mentioned before most kids with CMV have their hearing stabilize by age 3 so we are marching marching marching toward that date.

His latest results seemed to confirm the same across frequency hearing loss that we showed last time.  However, his higher frequencies tested really poorly.  (In the profound range).  Our audiologist didn't totally buy this as he is using (S's) in his words easily and they tested those sounds at the end of the session and James was probably a little bored.    They didn't re-program his HA's so we are going to chalk it up to a fluke. 

James DID pick out his own colors for hearing aid molds.  . . blue sparkles!  How fun to be at that age!

Friday, June 8, 2012

The Wire: The Musical

The Wire The Musical

Matt recently got me into the Wire and since I also love theater this turns out to be a pretty awesome mash-up.  Enjoy! 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Paper Chase

I made a mistake. I misunderstood a step in the adoption and am going to pay the consequences!  I knew that we had a file that needed to be renewed by mid-summer but I thought it was an easy file (ie. signature, maybe notarized etc.) not a challenging file (ie. homestudy, fingerprints, background check, physicals etc.) 

There is a big difference in the amount of work between those two files!   I am kicking myself because we had plenty of notification but I sat on it because I misunderstood what file needed to be updated.  UGH. I hate being an idiot.

We are on operation Fitz Blitz over here until we get through all this paperwork.  We only have a couple weeks to complete so we really need to motor. 

Now, before you get all excited about future Fitz's I want to manage expectations-- this does not mean that we have an adoption coming through.  It just keeps in the program and on the wait list.

Realistically speaking, we will not be bringing another child into our home this calendar year.  In fact, it's been such a long process that I am starting to feel like it will never happen!  I know that's pessimistic, but right now it just feels like a big 'ol black hole that sucks up all this time (paperwork) and money (um. money).  The longer this goes on the less connected I feel to our future little boy and the reason why we are doing all this in the first place. 

Regardless, wish us luck in the next couple weeks as we navigate the finer intricacies of US Immigration.


Friday, June 1, 2012

44 Easy Steps to a Happy Toddler

We have been consumed lately with building a play set.  Now, the play set is an idea that I had judged in my former life.  Why would you spend so much money when you can just go to the park??  Right?  Well, then I had two kids and I realized that nap times will likely never align in the future and a supervised play set allows for some multi-tasking while they play.  I bit the bullet.

James loves it-  we had originally set aside a Saturday to complete this bad boy but the directions said that we should plan for anywhere from 12-24 hours to complete!  Yikes!   The play set has become our little pet project over the last couple weeks.  

The rest of the yard is a disaster but we have swings!