Friday, April 20, 2012

Laid To Rest- Part 1

Having a daughter has done some funny things to my emotions.  I feel much more thoughtful about the actual act of motherhood and much more thoughtful about my own mother.  There have been times during the stresses of the newborn phase where I have thought in a very visceral way: 'I want my mom.' 

That phrase isn't ordinarily mumbled by my inner voice- but lately it has been on repeat. 

It's two am and we are still rocking, 'you get some rest, I'll take the next shift' . .  I want my mom.  Matt's at work again and James is whining about wanting milk and my mom nodding in the knowing way 'you were like this too'. . . . I want my mom. Standing at Target wondering how exactly you dress a little girl. . . "Do you like the pink or the purple better?" I want my mom.

The act of passing on the art of mothering generation to generation is something that I won't experience first hand at this point.   With James, it hadn't crossed my mind too much-- we had amazing family support from Matthew's extended family and I have some pretty kick-ass friends.  But with the birth of my own daughter, I am starting to feel some pangs -- for any sort of faint connection that would tie me to my own mother.

Raising children is so much more than I ever would have thought.  More joy. More sorrow.  More love. More work.  It makes me much more appreciative of the sacrifices that my mother made on my behalf and wishful that I could thank her now that I understand so much more.


Sigh.

1 comment:

  1. This was beautiful Dana. I can absolutely understand why you'd feel that way. Sorry it can't be different. XOXO

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