Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Two Lines

So I haven't addressed the adoption bit of our life in a while.   This was a big. g. g. deal for us and still is.  I for some unknown reason have always dreamed of a big, mixed, adoptive, madhouse of a family.  Even when I get distracted with other life goals, I always come back to this one and think: eye on the prize, dana.  If nothing else, this is the dream.

When the adoption courts in Ethiopia slowed down pretty significantly we were put into a position of choices.  (opportunity.)  Partnering with our agency, they recommended that if we *have* the capability of having more kids biologically and we want to have a large family that it might be worthwhile to pursue that as a back up.  A worst case scenario for us would be getting into this process, holding onto it for years and then having the country close to US adoptions suddenly.  This is a very real fact of international adoption and something we knew was an unknown going into the process.

That said, Ethiopia is very committed to adoption.  So committed in fact, that they have gone from hearing 30+ court cases a day to hearing 5 or so-- in order to ensure that each situation was ethical and in the best interest of that child.  Hard to argue with that.  Also hard to not anticipate that we could be in for a long wait!!

So, we put another line in the water and sure enough the Irish, Catholic lineage came through. We are now in conversations with our agency to figure out the right path for us.   Likely, we will either go on hold until immediately after the next babe is born and anticipate adopting an older infant that would be between the two children.  Although this seems insane (which I admit, mildly is,) we wouldn't be bringing our adoptive baby home until likely after court closure in ET next year- which would put us more at the Irish twins timing than the true twins timing.  

The other option is to hold out for a year plus past the birth of the baby and adopt in birth order but know that our kids could be very close to the same age.  There are some pros and cons with each of these plans that I would be happy to share with you privately- but know that deep thought and prayer is going into how we build our family.

What we will do in either scenario is wait and see until the baby comes as to how we are feeling.  As I have said before, James is a fairly easy little boy and was a fairly easy little infant.  I know better than to think this might always be the case.

On a slightly different topic:

My agency, whom I love, sent a link to a popular adoption blog last week that I wanted to share:  

After the Airport

It's about the realities and hardship about adoption.   I was teary in parts of this narrative and especially liked the following:

"You cannot just be into adoption to adopt; you have to be into parenting."

There is so much about this that resonates with me. When we told people that we hoped to adopt from ET (in particular) people commented that we were following in the Jolie-Pitt footsteps. Yes, but no. We aren't adopting because it's trendy, we are adopting because we want to be parents.

The friends I have met in the adoption community are no different than any other parent I have met-- and the perspectives aren't different: parenting isn't to be romanticized without a honest portrait of the challenges. Any child that joins your life is full of joy and challenges.

So our road to our adoptive child is still ongoing. I am thoughtful of the fact that we would have likely received a referral to our beautiful child this month and that the timing isn't right for us now. To be honest, I am a little sad to be missing this opportunity now but am confident that we will know when the time is right for those next steps.

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