Monday, July 18, 2011

A Sigh of Relief

As I wrote about before, James was showing some progression in his lower frequencies, which we were really hoping to prevent or slow with the antiviral medicines he was on to help stop the attack of the virus.

James went in for his second re-check (his first re-check was rescheduled because the patient record system was down.)  The test this time showed that his lower frequencies have come back up.  This is really the best case scenario-- WAY TO GO LITTLE MAN! 

Frequently I am struck by how out of sync my head and my emotions can be.   James' hearing tests have always been a source of pretty deep anxiety for me. . .  in fact, Matt usually takes him in because the fear of it keeps me awake for nights before the test.  Does this sound like rational behavior?

This time, I was actually at the Atlanta airport getting ready to board a plane. I was so distracted and tense that I did the only thing I thought would adequately mellow me out. I bought a milkshake and the second Hunger Games book. . .  now does that sound rational?  no, but it was nummy. 

Even if his hearing loss were to progress, it wouldn't be the end of the world-- I get it.  I also 'get' and have empathy for the many children with severe and profound hearing loss.  I have also seen many of these children go on to live wonderful, meaningful lives. I 'get' it.  I also get that my child has a lot of treatment options- he's a candidate for cochlear implants, which really just mean that it is a matter of technology if we were to choose that path. I 'get' it.  I also 'get' that he is a wonderful little boy and he brings so much joy-- none of that would ever change.  There is a lot to 'get' when it comes to the situation.   However. . . 

I can't seem to keep my emotions at bay though when it comes to my baby.  He has just started speaking and I love that sweet little voice and want him to hear it too.   The head and the heart don't always reconcile I guess.

So for James. . .  with these great results he is now showing fairly stable hearing since his birth, which is a great indication.  They say that the hearing stabilizes in most CMV kids by the time they are 3.  We are over half way there now--

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